#119 My awesome guest this week is Brent Sankey. He is a boxing coach, ex front-line police officer, and a Live In Flow retreat attendee.
At first, you would think Brent is the last person to be looking at this work, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. He hit rock bottom 12 months ago, and he openly shares why he dove head-on into this work and the difference it has made in his life since. Enjoy!
In Brents own words:
- At 14yrs old – parents separated. Remember thinking about suicide and voice said ‘dont do it’ who will look after dad and brothers high school didn’t enjoy and got the whole ‘I dont care’ and ‘never look back’ mentality.
- Bounced from job to job
- Joined Qld Police in early nighties had nearly six years. Saw a lot however never really felt that anything that happened or what I saw affected me. All my issues were already firmly planted in me. I just knew in my heart I didn’t want to stay.
- Fast forward to various jobs/businesses seemed to always fall into the same issues of conflict and drama.
- Spiritual lady – split me in two – tired soul
- March last year was big turning point – broken – realised I help others, but can’t help myself
- Booked the retreat before doing the course – trying to get the phone to work and your podcast popped up and said ‘a few more spots left’
- Came to your work – 4wk course and August retreat opened me up. Second retreat I ‘really tapped in’ to something.
- Be vulnerable that is the key, take action, take responsibility and keep getting up.
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Guy: Hi, my name is Guy Lawrence. And thanks for tuning into my podcast today. If you’re enjoying these conversations and you want to check out more of this transformational work, be sure to come back to guylawrence.com.au and join me as we go further down the rabbit hole. Enjoy the show.
Guy: Brent, welcome to the podcast.
Brent: Thanks, Guy. Thanks for having me.
Guy: Mate, I got to say I’m went on video. I’m looking behind you when you turn the camera on. I’m just like, that looks amazing. Maybe it’s a good place to expire. A start. Just explain where you’re sitting right now.
Brent: Uh, I’m in my new office,
Brent: Actually, uh, which is a boxing club. So, uh, yeah, Just this week and I answered all of going full time into boxing coaching and uh, and which has always been my passion, uh, left, um, a business that I wasn’t that happy with and yeah, this is my office. This is where I feel at home. This is sweat and the smell, it just, it’s just the home.
Guy: Yeah. You see the boxing ring right behind you and it looks like a fun office. You know, my question. I always start with everyone on the show. If a stranger stopped you on the street and asked you what you did for a living right now, you would be seeing the boxing, which is phenomenal.
Brent: It is. But if you had asked me a week ago, I would’ve been a business owner, project manager, slash stressed a business owner. So it’s a little bit different this way.
Guy: There’s been a lot of shifts going on in your life, and obviously I’ve gotten to know you over the last year Brent, just under a year and I invited you to come on to share today, which is, which is really wonderful. So I’m very grateful for you coming on. And you know, before we start going back in time a little bit, you mentioned about a one year anniversary, pretty much you said this ironic that I’m inviting anyone in the podcast is today. Do you want to share a little bit about that mate?
Brent: Yeah, sure.
Brent: So it’s almost 12 months to the day. Last year, March last year I went to a business to do that or I had a great time at, but, uh, obviously part took in the demon drink a little bit, uh, and the days after that, the following day all is just an absolute wreck and probably fifth, three for five days. I was absolutely shattered and always having to come down to the, I was running a business at the time. We had all that stuff and we had projects. Plus I was running a boxing gym and with the kids and everything. And now just, I just woke up on the Monday doing Sunday was the hangout. On Monday I woke up and I just, I can’t keep doing this. If I’m expected to help other people, how can I, how come I can’t help myself?
Brent: So that’s really where my journey, uh, kicked into high gear. Um, 12 months ago when all or most of the day just basically fell apart. I was probably the darkest darkest stage of my life. Being in the pain and um, you know, my wife noticed it, my daughter noticed it and I just to let me be for a few days till I can sort myself out. But yeah, almost 12 months to the day I was a completely different person. Absolutely shattered. I was probably 10 kilos heavier. My life wasn’t that flash. And here I am trying to teach kids and people how to do the right thing and be a good person and do all the right things with your life and your health. And I wasn’t, I wasn’t living any of it. So yes. So it’s been a massive, massive two months. It’s been a massive, probably two years actually for me.
Guy: Yeah. Looking back before we touch in, before you sort of came across our work, um, when you, hindsight’s a beautiful thing and now we can look back with reflections, especially when we start to overcome ourselves in different areas. What were the, now starting to look back, what were the things, do you think you were resisting that unconsciously that drove you to that point, to that dark place
Brent: in the first place? I think it’s always a word that comes up very strongly with me. I think I’ve always resisted being vulnerable and vulnerability was probably that absolute key, it still rolls. Now I’m on my show that every day, if I’m feeling vulnerable now that I thought I’d check it in and do something about it, but for so many years, um, yeah, I just wasn’t vulnerable. And it’s hard for for blocks.
Brent: And I’m a hundred kilos and you know, I’ve been, I’ve knocked around a bit, so you’re supposed to be the tough guy and just turn in that, um, that, uh, persona back to that vulnerable point that, you know, I had as a kid or assumed I had in part as a kid. That was the absolute key turning point for me, I think.
Guy: You know, and it sounds, it sounds so simple.
Guy: In some respects and as, and as a another bloke as well who’s had to go through the similar journey of actually showing vulnerability and actually reconnecting back to yourself. It’s so easy to shrug off and dismiss.
Brent: Um, yeah, and I think vulnerability for, for us as, uh, you know, you feeling vulnerability large for a year, a year in a rugby team or boxing side or a year in the, in a, in a, in a work with a smile dominated, you’re feeling a bit vulnerable, uh, come on, my pick, jacked up your big suit. That’d be a Sheila. All sorts of things, which is that typical persona that we type, um, being able to just look at it and go, you yourself what you like, but I’m going to deal with it. That’s, I think that’s the case for miles.
Guy: Yeah, totally. Well do you mind walking us back a bit through, through a little bit of your life journey and your story, because even some of the things you’ve mentioned to me and the points here are very relatable and I think, um,
Brent: if you’re happy to share a little bit, especially when you were a kid as well and yeah. Sure. Um, so my early memories, I, I’ve got very early memories of my childhood. We came from a military family. Dad was in the air force, his whole family in the military, my mother’s family were all military side. There was a very strict components to that. In the 70s. Uh, we traveled a lot. Um, my early memories of school or, uh, moving school every, every, uh, every he buys typically from grade one to grade fall was in seven different schools. Um, and then obviously when I went to high school, I finally got my mom to school. So, you know, I don’t think many people do that, um, on the ship, obviously in those sorts of environments. So I never really felt connected to any place or anyone. Um, I’d never felt that safety net always felt like, Oh, any second, now we’re going to op and wave.
Brent: I’ve just made all these friends. Um, yup. I made a bunch of friends. Um, I’m about to leave on top of that is moving into a different school. You can imagine what that was like. Uh, I had an older brother and younger brother, my older brother was a couple of years older than me in a couple of grades higher than me. So you’re, the new kids in the schools tell you, you’ve got to prove yourself. You’ve got to, you know, defend yourself and then you’ve got to defend your brother, you know, the family thing and all that sort of stuff. That’s why you were brought up, look after your brother and look after your family size. Every few years we were in a different school. So I always had that pick up and leave. Um, uh, and, and it was never that safety thing that we had. We were always moving and you know, very strict, very disciplined Arion.
Brent: One mother was a disciplinary and an ass. All dad was pretty, pretty crazy. They all go was pretty hot, pretty full. So yeah, our whole life was revolved around up and then leaving. So, um, that, that, that I think over the years has taken, has had a lot to do with the way I feel today. And that safety net or that not feeling grounded in the one place I’ve felt right up until just recently. Um, it was probably only 18 months ago. I though I actually unpacked the last box that I’d been carrying ran for 30 years. Wow. Full of Phantom magazines of all things. And I would collected Phantom magazines and I’ll finally unpacked it out of what it was and put it in another top and said, Roddy, I’d stole this. It’s good to sit in there. So there was many times that would just try things.
Brent: Yet I can’t carry that anymore. I’ve always strong things out. So, because I didn’t know whether I was going to move. So there was that, that continual movement. Um, and then when we finally did sell them, we final settled down. Uh, dad left the military. Uh, we ended up, um, in Brisbane, uh, and about four, when I was about 14, they split up the, um, mum and dad split up so the divorce happens. So I felt like there was a lot of more responsibility, but in the middle son it sort of felt that always the, the linchpin in it. Uh, so I took a lot of responsibilities of that. Or I remember my mom walking at the first time going to stay was telling, I I remember holding, holding my dad, he’s passed away now last year. Um, I’ve been beholden dad and he was just crying.
Brent: I’m thinking, you know, I’ll get to stand here and look after this. I’m a dad. I’m going to support that. Mum came back into the house and dad NOI moved out. So it was that typical, um, you know, leave home mother feel, makes you feel guilty looking after dad. I had a younger brother that was still at home with mom. My older brother had shot through, he was up in North Queensland working. So there’s all that instability, um, teenage boy growing up in, um, you know, in, in that environment. In those days. High school wasn’t fun or I didn’t, you know, I had friends, I still never felt safe or connected to anyone. Um, but underlying all the way through it, I always felt like there was something else around me or with me. Um, and then was with 15, or I guess, um, or thought about, um, committing suicide, which, and I, I sit back now and I go know, I’m glad I never did that.
Brent: That’s it. But there was always that voice that said to me, there was always something sitting in the background, go at it. That was always on my shoulder. So I remember absolutely vividly when you asked me, um, talking to the other day asked me to have a think about things. I can remember vividly sitting in the kitchen, standing in the kitchen and mums, mums because your mom was an exceptionally good cook, cook. So the kitchen was always a macula. Um, and we had a marble cutting board and I got this big old carbon knife and I was about to do the date and there’s voice on my shoulder said, don’t, don’t do it. And I’ll put it down. And my first instinct instinct was, was, uh, if I do this, I’m gonna make a mess and I’m going to get in the shit from, I’m making a mess.
Brent: That was my thought. What’s the Hess? How bizarre is that? And then it went to who’s gonna look after dad? Who’s going to live with dad? Who’s going to look after my little brother if he has drama. I knew my older brother was okay. He was away. So at 15, I had that feeling, um, whatever sat on my shoulder and off set with that ever since. So rolling from that, um, my high school dyes finish that. Um, and I think that’s probably where I started to get that K mentality. Um, I used decided, look, don’t care. Stuffed something up. I get bad grades, apply guide, bad game of football. I do something wrong and I go, I don’t care. And then I also grew this, which I’ve only realized in the last probably six months. It’s never looked back attitude. If you stuffed something up, just put it aside and forget about it. Don’t worry about it. You know, deal with it to what have you have to do and kept moving through life like that. Um, you know, and that made me bounce for a lot of jobs and issues. It’s incredible isn’t it? That like, like I mentioned earlier before with hindsight, cause we don’t give appreciation or credit to some of our life’s experiences, especially at a young age and we don’t appreciate the dot or an input that’s doing to us
Guy: at an unconscious level and actually started to shape the way we see the world and have these personality traits that actually can manifest out over time. And I think a lot of this work is having the awareness to start to look at those things where with with the wisdom and experience of life and been able to start to look back and catch yourself in different, like you’re saying these personality traits and that, cause I remember you even, you mentioned, you said in the retreat you confess that you know, the first thing you do is when you walked in the room as you would scan the room, see what the safety exits are, see where everything is. And you’re always in that protective place.
Brent: Yeah, I do. And that, that, that was, uh, that was me admitting that at the, in the retreat was a shocker, you know, because of how we grew up and we’re always in fight mode. Uh, and then I joined the police service in, in, in the early nineties and that drilled into me more bad and I might control you protected, make sure you’ve scoped out everyone. Who can you take out? Who can you do this? How can do that, that, that for me to just even let that out and, and, and not be, be felt, feeling safe enough in that retreat that I could let that Galbit um, that, that was huge. And that all came, that came about from, you know, when I was a kid growing up, walking home from school and putting my back against the wall, cause it was four kids I knew that were going to fight us, you know, and it wasn’t fear fights, it’s, it said I’m walking home with your brother and United, something’s going to happen. So you always found a route that was safety. You found some way you can do whatever you had to do. So yeah, it’s all those inputs that from your childhood did affect it. It condition
Guy: Even within the police force. What was that like for you? Whether it was a tough moment within the police force as well?
Brent: Oh look, yeah, I’m, I’m pretty lucky. I found that after reading and finding Ella, I’m one of those people that that sort of stuff didn’t really bother or they always, so I saw some absolutely terrible things like any frontline police officer or my brother’s a 35 year veteran of paramedic. So what he’s seen in, in his time, he, you know, unbelievable. Um, my cousins, Afghanistan. Then, um, we’ve all seen stuff and we can all relate. But I don’t think anything within the police service ever really triggered me or, you know, I can’t say I had PTSD. What I had was fully embedded in may, like a tick, well, before I ever joined the coppers. Um, all it did was made me make bad decisions prior to joining the police service reinforced what was already there. Exactly right. And know, and I had this problem as a kid of, uh, of not, you know, my mum being very authoritarian.
Brent: I had issues around authority. I would always try and find ways to stern teachers up and all those sorts of things. And that, that transferred from there to when I was working in pubs or when I was doing other jobs and then went on in the police service. So I had run ins with people who have authority. I just didn’t want to, I didn’t feel I needed to. I just wanted to run to the beat of mine drama, you count can’t do that. And those sorts of um, uh, institutionalized taught environment. But it, back to you question, did it ever affect me? Look, look, there was incidences there. They don’t think about every now and then. Did I have the issues of some guys now? And I believe so. Like I said, I think it was embedded there and it was just another phase of what I had to be.
Brent: And do to get to where, you know, 20 odd years later, 27 years later, I’m finally in that place. Um, the police service was leaving the police service when I just said I’ve had enough of it. My heart wasn’t in it anymore. I just couldn’t understand the politics and look, don’t get me wrong, I loved being a Copa or was really good at it or it had some gripe mites in there, but I just couldn’t understand why, you know, the court systems are way up was and people within the job jam and a knife, India analyzed sorts of things. So I didn’t have the heart to stay in there and always smart enough to see a sergeants that had been in there for 20, 30 years who were just broken men. And I thought, no way am I going to sit there and pay that.
Brent: That’s, that’s why I saw the exited. And the beauty of the beauty of that was more wife girlfriend at the time, wife now she was doing natural pathy. So obviously a Guinea pig for acupuncture and drinking juice. Cabbage never do that. They bought way all these other things, always just a Guinea pig noise to get. Yeah, whatever. And she put me in touch. She, she and I went and saw her alive cause she said, I’ve got issues. I said yep. And all in sort of lady who used to do a lot of EFT and uh, and she was a psychologist who was doing ft back in the, in the mid nineties. Wonderful lady. Um, she was a Catholic nun. Um, just a lovely lady and she’s held, I still see her today or go and visit her, she’s in well into it now and we still still visit, keep in touch.
Brent: But she started the process, um, you know, found out that I was a vanishing twin or that if you’ve ever heard of that vanishing twin back when unbelievable. Where in the womb there was three of us and I was the one that survived. So there’s, you know, that was my guilt factor that I’d never knew about, which is research, which has resurfaced just recently. Um, all those sorts of things that she started getting into. So I knew there was always things out there. It’s just been a really, really long journey. Um, to get to the point,
Guy: it’s incredible. 10th what’s coming through is clear to me is that you’ve always, there’s always been a part of you that’s been open to this work by the sounds of it. You’ve just, you know, even back as a kid and it’s now allowing yourself to, to, like you said, have that vulnerability enough to be opened and, and start to look at things from different perspective to what you might’ve conditioned yourself to. You know, I’m, I’m curious to know what then decided, uh, for you, cause I remember when you, um, when I first came across you, you, you literally, if I recall, booked in for the retreat, booked in for the, uh, my program as well, and you just kind of just a P ed and you’re like, right, I’m in, I’m booked. I’m all in. There was like this moment not messing around, you know?
Brent: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m, I’m a bit like that. What happened fill me in was how did you get to that point? Well, well, two, 12 months prior to that, probably almost again March. It’s almost been this March thing that’s happened. Uh, I, uh, a friend of mine who was in the police service with passed away and I met Sean, I Goldman, so you, you will not show me, you know what, they might have a sense yet. Buddy is a bloody good bloke. He is. Um, and he and I have very similar personalities, so, you know, I never met in the police service. Um, but very similar personality, strong blokes who will step up for people and do what’s gotta be done. He and I got talking. Um, we did a couple of, uh, he came in with me and helped out with a, uh, self-defense seminars that we did, uh, helped on some special needs seminars.
Brent: We were advocates for that. And during that process, he and I started talking and he was helping me out. He helped me out a journal and all that sort of stuff. And what one of the things he did is he put me in touch with a lady who just tore me apart. So it worked out this way though. It just happened to be talking to him. Uh, he said, you need to go and see, you need to go and see this lady. And I said, Oh, well, you know, where is she? And he said, Oh, she’s in Newcastle and I’m sorry, Mike is Moses in this gym? Um, they, uh, and they said, Oh, she’s a Newcastle. Can you get down there at some stage? Said you wouldn’t believe it, but I’ve just booked a flight to Newcastle this afternoon to go and do a job.
Brent: Wow. I said, here’s a number. Go and see him. So I rang a strata and she said, yeah, can you come at four 30 tomorrow? So on that Thursday to fall on day worked all day when saw the slidey and very spiritual lady. And she just ripped me apart. My mom and I walked in there and I said, why are you here? And I said, my soul is tired. It’s done. I’ve had enough. I’m just taught. So she told me apart, she did stuff, you know, talked to ran, you know, what’s happened in the past and she was telling me things that I’m discounting, there’s not why in the world you can know that unless you tapped in some and always a blubbering mess when I left that. But it changed. So that sort of brought me into that real, um, change of more incident. Yeah.
Brent: And then a few weeks later I had that moment where, um, well I had another probably few months that I just kept tapping into stuff and I started listening to your podcast a lot. Um, and it was, I was sort of putting my toe in there and there was a lot of things going on was flowing back and forth from Western Australia. So I was, I was listening a lot of things. Sean’s podcasts, yours, um, and just a joy to spend all those sorts of things just to get me to where I needed to be. And what that was doing to me is always count. Okay, now I’m getting this stuff. I understand there’s a science behind it. Understand this. I can put the bricks in there now. Like I’ve had a bit of a bias, have built the bicep a little bit now I’ve got now I understand how it’s all sort of fallen together and that transition from that point of March to the following March where I had that full breakdown, I think that was sort of putting all those little bits and pieces in together for me to be able to, I don’t think I probably could have done your stuff anytime earlier.
Brent: Um, then I had that breakdown, um, in, in March last year. And, and the funny thing about how all that turned about as I’ve been listening to podcasts and um, I am not terribly good with technology, Bluetooth things don’t work out it out. And I was in the car and all this and it was probably the Wednesday after the big naughty up, um, the Wednesday off and I was trying to get the Bluetooth to work on. I couldn’t get the car out, know, just, it just all turned to crap for me. And then all of a sudden your voice popped up and it was a podcast. It was the beginning of a podcast and it said, uh, the August retreats coming up, I’ve got three or four more spots left. I’d got out of my car, walked upstairs into my office and booked up and I’m sitting there doing other stuff and you and I went back and forth a couple of times and then I’ll just join the group. And I thought, well, I mean I’m just going to do it, uh, on broken. I need to fix it. So let’s get on with it. And that, that’s, that’s how I got into your work. So, and it doesn’t stop.
Guy: Amazing. And I remember, I remember vividly when you were in the program as well, because you can always tell when people join the initial four week program. There’s some people that have just made a decision they’re in and they’re 1000% in and they are doing it. They follow the, you know, they are doing the meditations that following the dots, they’re doing the work. You know, some people join and I could just see with you is like, Oh, I’m really keen to see where, where you call me. You know what I mean?
Guy: I wouldn’t mind sharing the story as well cause I was thinking about this this morning and it made me laugh so hard when I first hear that. But can you, do you mind sharing a little bit about when you first arrived at the retreat and you’ve been roomed with
Brent: yeah, yeah, sure. We’ll say may, may be and may be an ex police officer doing all that sorts of things. And you know, I tried to tie myself down and understand that the United people in the world and dah. So, um, I drive into the retreat and, and get in. I get out of the account, I’m just wondering, ran and walked in and the first person I see is this big tall fellow with tie dye shirt, yoga pants on them. Fucking hippies. Oh, I’m going to come in for cross sites. What have I done to myself and not let it roll, let it roll. So we, we got upstairs, we went into the, where we were meeting them. Then there was a bit of a hog and going on them fucking hog. And what am I going to do? Ne Southern cross, the one next minute when we sold ourselves out again on the room and who’s standing there?
Brent: Jesus. So I check to make look like Jesus. I said, Hey, y’all might on Britt Chad. You know what as insane, we’d be very fit and fine each day. And in Tasmania, I think at the moment the lost art lost. I miss you. But what a great girl. What a great soul. Just hang on. Just hit it off. And it was like, like we’re all mates. It was, it was a strange thing that two people Paul’s apart and he’s got a great story that got, Oh, I’ve got a fantastic story and the why he’s going, I’ll just love it and just embrace it. Or, um, but yeah, we, we, um, partnered up and it was really good. It was good to have, uh, that rough edge, all black, all the blood and this, you know, very Cline solid and, and again, you try what rye born in me, he could do any partner and the nativity scene, I reckon.
Guy: Yeah, no, it, it, it tickled me. No, no end. And it was just wonderful to see. And, and the, the relationships that come out of the, the, these events, you know, these retreats, it’s like you say you make friends for life, which is beautiful and the least in way it’s a, it’s such a beautiful thing. So do you mind, like, so you’ve been to the retreat now twice. You came back as well in January and each time I’ve seen you come, you know, from the first time, not sure. And then coming back with more of a almost, I don’t know if that determination was the right word, but it’s almost like you’ve really started to get the hang of the work and the graphs and you’re really open and you’re willing to go there and fully open and surrender to it. So how would you summarize your experiences over the two retreats so far? What have you learned? What do you think is shifted for you and the wisdom gleaned from it?
Brent: Mm. Um, well the, the first one, I think that was, I think that was the opening. Um, that was, that was me actually really letting that vulnerability go in a, in a group of people I didn’t know anything about. Um, and just, and just being that, just tapping into, try and be that, that person, um, uh, you know, it was, it was, it was difficult for me that first one, I was a blubbering mess for a lot of it, you know, things were popping up around people and I couldn’t control myself, you know, I know I had never cried like that. Um, am I ashamed of it and I want in the world it was the best bloody thing that’s happened to me in years. And the people I met in there, you know, connecting with those people was just marvelous. So I think that first one was, was just the opening of, let’s, let’s call it the flower.
Brent: So the pedals are started opening it. The second one was, I wasn’t in when it first popped up for generate or thought about it. [inaudible] not should be, right. I’ve got it all done on wall down. I’m embedded in or I can get onto the work. And I kept doing the work after in the morning, meditations, whatever I needed to do, journaling, whatever I need to do. And then one day I was sitting there and I thought, nah, there’s unfinished business here and I don’t know what it is. I’ve got no idea. All I know is I’ve got to go again to go and see what that is. And it was again, I came in with that open mindset that bought it and I was going to go on. Um, I’m not overly worried about it. I’ll just let it roll. So the second one was a real well, Matt said it to me at the end of the retreat, he said, you’ve really tapped in.
Brent: So there was things that happened to me on the retreat that were just unbelievable, more than blind life changing. Um, and it was, it was that real tapping in that I can feel every day now. Like when you talk about heart center on the first one, and I came back from it and not taken a hive. Was it really hard to get a heart center? It was hard to do meditation. It was hard to do things after that second one, I’d drop in where I need to, whenever I need to. Uh, I just got to think of my heart and opens up to whatever it is I need to do. Uh, more decision making processes after the second one is so different. Instead of she shit I used to have for months or weeks or days, my shit moments or seconds, minutes. If they last for two hours, that’s a big day.
Brent: So, you know, it was that opening and then the, uh, yeah. And it was the opening and then at the second one was a real healing. Yeah. Incredible. And even those words came to me in one of the metal in the, in the, uh, group intention. Yeah. Uh, were, were rind that would came to me, uh, during some of Matt’s work. It kept saying, heal, heal, heal. And then in that group intention, this big voice to healed. And I went, well, there you go. Wow. And we went, and then we went and jumped in the water when we, we experienced riding for the first time in God knows how long. Yeah. Yes, yes. Yeah. And the funniest thing was how makes it, can we ask for Ryan what happened? 40 minutes light out. Unbelievable. That’s right. Yeah. Do you get people asking you about the work at all and your experiences and what do you generally say to people that are on the outside looking in?
Brent: Um, look, I’m quite free, um, in, in explaining what I’ve done. I’m quite happy to tell, you know, people in the gym or people we’re out with the, um, I don’t have a fear of it. I don’t have a fear of the work. But if you had asked me 12 months ago, I would’ve said I was setting, I’m not talking about that where we stuff [inaudible] now I’m happy to talk about it to anyone and anyone. Um, I think it’s important that if, if you’ve gotta if you’re going to walk the walk, you gotta talk the talk. Totally. Um, there’s no point Megan doing all this work that I’ve done and being a different person and making sure I’m in my heart if I’m not willing to, to share it with somebody else who at that time may need it. They might not need it. But more often than not, it, it may be those words that I speak to someone and tell them how I’ve been to two retreats and how I do this and how I do that and how it’s changed my life.
Brent: Um, that, that, that, that might affect someone indirectly or directly. It might be that person goes home and tells her husband, um, well this son, you know, the boxing coach told me about this. That’s, that’s how I see it. So if you don’t, yeah, it’s, you’ve gotta be vocal about it. I think I’m just coming back to that vulnerability. Right, exactly. Tell him every, every time I say that on vulnerable, that what I’m signing and, and, and people, people pick up on that, people, people resonate with those sorts of things. So, and they wouldn’t be standing. You’re having those sorts of conversations unless they’re willing to hear something. Yeah, we’ve spoken about that in the past and you know, yeah. Well nothing made me more happier when I spoke to you a few weeks back and you said, guy, I’m finally walking away from my job and I’m stepping full time into your gym as a coach and running the gym as well.
Brent: I mean that’s just phenomenal as far as I’m concerned. That’s probably coming from the heart, you know, and really start to align back what you’re passionate about and credit to you about that. Cause when I was working down in um, uh, bar by just recently caught up just before Christmas, we were talking about being vulnerable, vulnerable to certain things and learning your lessons and one on one. And we were talking about the lessons around business partners and, and the lesson was, and um, and I was trying like the blazers to work out what the lesson was at. I was trying to learn from, from, from my business partner because at that time I was really close to moving on. I hadn’t really thought, now I’ll give this an hour, I’ll keep this business going and keep going at it home. Cause you know, we’ve got to, we’re going to feed families and all that sort of stuff.
Brent: And you and I were talking and you said something to me that you know, your greatest lesson was to live from, from your experience, was to live from the heart and make that decision from the heart. And rod at that moment I was driving home and it’s the whole way home. Got that feeling and I thought that’s it. I’m done. Come March having a high water, I’m done. So that’s what we did. We started playing it and I just left it to the universe to deal with. And, and this is where I am. Um, how’s it been going for you so far? Uh, fantastic. Um, you know, we’re lucky that cause I’ve got a business partner, Julia, who used to work for me in my other business. She left the business and started in, in the boxing club. We’re lucky that we’ve got a community around us that love what we do. And, and that makes it so much easier. You would have kids who had adults. We, you know, you know, I run women’s self defense courses through, um, another friend of mine. What we do makes a difference and that makes me happy. So, um, you know, getting up at four o’clock in the morning to do my meditations or come into a gym class, that’s easy compared to having to deal with, um, what I used to deal with. So [inaudible]
Guy: it’s special isn’t it? There’s nothing. Um, it’s like I was saying to someone, my day’s been massive already. I was up not long after four because we have to get ready for a webinar. We run in Europe for live in flow this morning for a Portugal retreat, you know, and it’s been weeks of preparation and early morning starts cause Patras and Croatia where we have a 6:00 AM meeting and then my day starts and floods in. I’ve got two workshops coming up the weekend. You know, it sometimes gets just its own when it’s on it’s on, but at the same time when you’re aligning with something you so passionate about and you feel like you contributed to making a difference, it doesn’t feel like work anymore. And I think I just wish more people would experience that and have the courage to step into their heart and start to listen to that aspect of ourselves and learn these tools and techniques that really help you overcome your own barriers, neuron belief systems and the things that are holding us back that influence us in certain ways. Because I think that gift is within all of us. We just got to learn how to tap into.
Brent: Yeah. And I think also, um, not being afraid to take the time out for yourself, even in a crap day or even in a busy day like T, you know, today’s one of their heavy days come, you know, you have kids start rolling in at three 45, um, come to two 30. I’ll sit down for 20 minutes and home at meditate and if I drop off a drop off, but I wake up and I’m in a jaws and I’m ready to rock and roll, taking those times, um, you know, I’ll all the time, if I’m not feeling 100%, if I’m feeling a little bit weary or, um, you know, you’re just feeling that little bit off. I take the tone to just sit and get back with yourself. I can’t remember the name of the guy. Um, you had him on the podcast a while back and he said, uh, Doobie, Doobie Doobie or whatever. It was like, I think of that all the time. Like I can do, I can do, I can do, I can do, I can, I gotta work. I gotta workability to diet and go 72 hours if I have to, but also I’m sitting back now and going, I’ll just be here for a minute. I’ll have a cup of coffee and, and, and ponder my navel. Fantastic. That does Mike and then I’m good. I’m good for another five or six days.
Guy: Yeah, absolutely. Last, I got on it coming back on actually next month in may. Hopefully. Um, last question for you. For people that don’t, that might be right now driving that car, but listening to this, they might have been listening to my podcast for the last six months or whatever they contemplating this work. There’s obviously anticipation, fears, questions around it. Uh, what would you, what would you say to somebody now listening to this right now that’s enough places on the fence?
Brent: They vulnerable of likeK when anyone says if, if you’re, if you’re vulnerable, you will open up a lot of things. Um, uh, I think that’s the key. And once when w when that vulnerability is a take action on it, don’t be afraid to step into that step into that void. Um, you know, don’t be afraid of doing that because, and we’ve talked about this before and you talked about it was shown on the podcast with a Millwall black cable, um, uh, uh, happy with the pine that they’re in rather than the pine that, that, that of doing this work. I’m glad I’d been through the pine that have been true for the last two years because I don’t see it as pain anymore. I see it as opportunity and, and, and growth and the ability to now move on with my next 40 years as a different person.
Brent: Um, I think that past, I appreciate that passed on, responsible for that past. However, take action so that you can move on with your life and, and be a better person. Um, and then an old boxing analogy, keep getting up. The human body can take so much. Um, uh, you know, you talk about homeostasis, you know, how tough our way to spend 40 odd years getting the, the piss and pick handles, not Gadea, uh, fall yet. Uh, guilt, shame, all those sorts of things. But we keep getting up. So one day when you get up, you’re going to be a better person. I tell kids every time they walk out the doors of our gym, you’ve just got a little bit better. You’ve just got a little bit better. This work doesn’t stop as we’ve talked about totally. But every time you do a little bit, every time you, you have a meditation in a mall, you’re really crept one.
Brent: But something spikes and then two days later something gets released. Keep getting up off the floor, keep getting up off the canvas, keep doing the work and it makes a huge difference. There’s probably something to want to relate off to that. Last, um, uh, the last retreat I came home I was going to go paddle boarding on, uh, down the, uh, colon Gatto and it was shot and it was blowing a gallon off and I’ll just go home to the bills. And this is about taking that responsibility and moving things. So as you well know, um, I did a little bit extra some at one stage and you came up behind me and, and, and thanks for that. I felt somebody there. So you held the space and what came out of that was, was resentment. So I’ve been holding onto that resentment for, you know, I’m nearly 50 for 49 plus years and I knew that there was something there that was me getting up off the canvas all the time.
Brent: It’s hand Rania, what’s this thing? What’s this thing? What’s this thing? Until it finally came out and it came out in a big way. Um, then I went home and I told my girls the first retreat, I didn’t really tell my wife and daughter what went on the second retreat, why set them down? And I went through the whole gamut, like spine, everything to them. But I also explained them that um, I had resentment for my wife for many years. I said, and I apologize for that because that was resentment that neither of them deserved or warranted. It was just me from my past. Again, that was me getting up off the canvas and taking responsibility in science, sorry to my wife. And then I said to my daughter, I don’t know if I’ve ever been resentful to you. I might have done it subconsciously or whatever.
Brent: But I apologize again, that’s getting up off the canvas. Taking responsibility for what you’ve done and letting those two women know who pivotal part in my life that it’s okay, I’m a different person and our household is so different compared to uh, my wife always said on the Sunday, she could always knew when Sunday was there cause it has to get prickly and I’d fire up with getting ready for work. I’d get in fight mode. We don’t have that anymore. And it has. Why? Because, I was vulnerable, I took action, I was responsible for what I’ve done and I’ll keep getting up.
Guy: Brent, that is amazing to him. I honestly, I think every, every man out there needs to hear that right now. Thank you for sharing that mate. I really.
Brent: No worries.
Guy: Appreciate it.
Guy: I think that’s a perfect note to end this conversation on. Um, Brent I just want to honor you and commend you for your enthusiasm for this work and what you’ve brought to to us and the energy at the retreats and everything you do and actually coming on the podcast today and speaking from the heart, it’s greatly appreciated. This podcast will reach thousands of people moving forward. And, uh, and I have no doubt anyone that’s still listening right now will definitely appreciate what you shared today as well. And so mate thank you so much for coming on.
Brent: Thank you. And thank you for what you do. And you, Matt and Petra. Um, would that you three and all the collective of both of those retreats and all the people who have been involved, this, I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to you. So, thanks mate.
Guy: You’re very welcome. Thanks, buddy.