#98 My lovely guest this week is Fleur Myers, who I feel represents true strength of the human spirit and someone who never gives up.
Fleur had been suffering severe anxiety and waves of depression, so much so it was affecting all aspects of her life and she felt trapped.
She had stumbled across my podcast, and soon after decided to join my Let It In online program and also booked herself a spot at our Let Go & Live In Flow Retreat.
I invited her onto the show as her transformation since the retreat has been nothing short of incredible. It’s been two months since the retreat at the time of this recording, and we dive into her journey, the changes and how her life is going now. It is my wish that this conversation out there inspires whoever listens or a family member in your life. Enjoy!
Guy: Hi, I’m Guy Lawrence and you are listening to the Guy Lawrence podcast. If you’re enjoying this content and you want to find out more and join me and come further down the rabbit hole, make sure you head back to the guylawrence.com.au. Awesome guys. Enjoy the show.
Guy: Fleur. Welcome to member spotlight.
Fleur: Thank you. Thanks for having me.
Guy: I’m so grateful you’ve come on today my lovely and of course this will go out as a podcast in the future as well. And uh, I’m very excited to share with everyone listening a little bit about your journey and your experience and I’m curious to know as well Fleur since you got back from the retreat and then people asked you about it that have no idea about this work or anything, what were you saying to them?
Fleur: I found it a little hard to describe, um, because typically when you would say I’ve been on a retreat, everyone was like, Oh, how lovely. You know, thinking you, you know, had massages and by the pool, but we’re not kind of explained to them. Um yeah, I just, I suppose I talk to them, I opened up a little bit about how I was feeling beforehand and what kind of space I was in. And then, um, I just tried, you know, as much as possible. I said we would, you know, kind of deep meditation, did some sound work, breath, work, yoga, you know, these kinds of things. Um, and then I just sort of described the change that I’ve felt since then. So rather than probably focused on exactly what we did, because I’ve found that hard to kind of explain to people, um, and you know, just the energy around that and the connection and all those things. So, um, yeah, the easiest way I kind of found was after that I’ve been feeling it’d be sway or these are the changes and obviously the people closest to me or you know, my partner that I’m living with and seeing that in my family as well. So
Guy: it’s been mind blowing. It’s been mind blowing. It’s been amaze, it’s been amazing. And you know, it’s certainly not cocktails and massages at sunset, the retreat, but at the at the same time, you know, um, I do believe it’s for anyone and like I’m taking my mom in January and she’s 76 so, um, so anyone listening to this think they haven’t got or not sure that then there’s no reason, no excuses. But anyway, back to back to the story that, well, let’s work backwards from there because already you, you prompted a few questions for me. So you, you made a decision to come to the retreat. Well, what were you like just before the retreat then? Where were you at?
Fleur: Just before the retreat, um, was the hot end part of, of, of anxiety for me. Um, there’s a fair sort of backstory probably two years before that, but right immediately, you know, once I decided to go to the retreat, um, I, you know, I wanted to do it. I knew I needed to change. Um, my life was becoming just this tiny little bubble of comfort around me. I was scared. I was scared of everything. And, you know, I can go into more detail about that, but literally stepping left or right or as simple as going to the shops, there was all these fee, all these, you know, huge kind of yeah. Feed that was building up. Um,
Guy: Well what’s, what’s it like, what was it like living with us?
Fleur: Uh, it was awful because I mean prior to that or you know, in the years gone by, I was a confident person, a social person, laughing, happy, you know, and all these things. And um, they just kind of, yeah, there was a real sort of downward spiral that happened. And, um, it kind of led through to a really, um, depressive kind of state and a lot of sadness. And, um, and then that kind of was morphing as well into this really, this, this anxiety, um, and these huge irrational fears. And um, and old and panic started to come in as well. So what was happening was each time I would experience those scenes and it might be out of something really beautiful, like a lunch out with friends and I would get these panic. And then it was that, you know, it would come over like a panic attack and I, I could sweating and I had to get up and walk away.
Fleur: I felt sick, um, and I didn’t really know what was happening. And then I wanted to avoid those situations. So I was seeing myself was kind of weird cause I was in it, but I could also see it a little bit from the outside and I was just shutting down my life. I’d closed off my work. Um, I didn’t see many people or if I did, it was the people that knew that I felt comfortable to say I don’t feel very well. I need to go for a walk. Anything that was social gathering of people. Um, but yeah, even simple things, like I said, I would go to the shop and I would think, Oh God. Like what if I didn’t come back from the shop,
Guy: Really? Wow!
Fleur: the house like that, it was so bad. Um, and I didn’t share it a lot. So keeping it all inside, it was almost giving it so much more,
Guy: more energy. Yeah. Yeah. Could, um, do you mind me asking what kind of caused the, the downward spiral? Like was that a trigger or an incident and in your journey?
Fleur: Look, I, if I think back, I mean, I know when I was kind of 17, um, I really struggled there kind of at the end of school and I battled I guess on and off with mood, more depression though, like a lot of sadness. Um, and, but what I think then happened was I kind of went full fledge into work. I started working in a law firm. I worked 10 years there. I have my long service leave. By 28, I had worked this corporate busy job. I was managing teams of people traveling nationally. You know, training is, there’s so much responsibility, which I really loved. Um, but it started, I think to burn out and, and I had this real, um, what I’ve realized now is these, you know, people pleasing and perfectionism that came into it. And so I carried that throughout my work, but it got to a point where I thought, I can’t do this anymore. I thought it was the corporate city job. So I moved, you know, living on the Northern beaches, like scaled down my work but then that it was just mounting up. Um, and then it got to a point where it was a physical thing. So a lot of gut health issues, just us feeling horrible. Um, I, yeah I was then starting to avoidance. Like I couldn’t eat out anywhere cause I was getting physically ill from that insight, things started to happen. Um, obviously relationships really struggling, um, there as well. Um,
Guy: were there any um, friends or family close to the knew what was going on?
Fleur: Why look my [inaudible] I would say my, I eventually spoke honestly to my partner and some friends, but for a while there I didn’t even share those. She faced things that were coming up, such as, you know, my friends at work would say, let’s go here and have lunch. And I’m thinking, Oh no. Like we’re going to have a car accident. It was like any moment that was really a fun, you know, a holiday or anything like that inside, I thought something really bad. It’s going to happen and I never shared it. And sometimes I would go and sometimes I would um, just make a reason why not to go and never say anything. But I realize, you know, my partner loves traveling and I was like, Oh my God, I’m like, he wants to go on a holiday. And I would never say anything but it looks like I was being difficult or indecisive, you know? And then eventually I was like, I have to speak up because I’m really not coping, you know, things are not good. And I could see that. And as I said, as I was shutting things down, it’s just finding safety like with my dog and in my house. And that was kind of easy. It was
Guy: incredible. And so how, what I’m trying to think the best place to go from there, cause obviously I saw the anxiety within before you made the decision, when you made the decision to come to the retreat. Like obviously if you run in from the homeowners of stress and anxiety and, and, and that’s the default mechanism. The moment we make decisions, like the courage you would have had to have shown was, was huge. And, and I certainly know we all appreciated that, um, to support you to step into this work cause it’s, you know, it’s, it’s a big deal. How, how did you find us in the first place?
Fleur: So I was listening in all of the searching that I was doing, I have to say I was leaning towards like the biochemical side of things, nutritional side of things. I was exploring that thinking something’s gotta be wrong. And um, they were playing a little bit with also kind of like mold toxicity and you know, all that side of things. And I’m listening to Alex [inaudible] podcast. She was talking about her story around mold. She then spoke about, um, going to the jury to spend retraining and some of the effect that that had had on her. And I think it was just either the next one after and she’d mentioned you and you know, how much more accessible and kind of intimate the space was that you created and listening to your conversation. Um, and when I, just to sit back a bit, when I guess she did talk about the Joe Dispenza retreat, I watched the YouTube clip that they did have it, the one on the sunshine coast and something just kind of got me inside, you know, I was like, that looks amazing.
Fleur: Look at these people, look what you know, that feeling that was around it. And then, so when I’d heard you speak, the retreat was the first thing. I was just like, I want to Davies. And I knew I was terrified, but I knew I almost needed it as well. This is weird as like, while I was in, it was one little part of me that could kind of look on and say, this is not good. We need to get out of these and you know, it’s gonna take something. And so I, my initial contact, I think with you, I went onto your website, I think I emailed you and was like, can I come to the retreat even if I’ve done nothing else, you know. And then, um, I looked up the Academy of course. Um, and we had a chat, I think he cold be fairly well and I was sort of blown away in a bit starstruck.
Fleur: So I was like, Oh, it’s actually you and you know, I bet I thought, ah, you sent me a, it was another story was Kristen baleen is a talk with you. And I heard that and thought, you know, they sound just like they’re real genuine people that have had progress here. And I just jumped in and I signed up and I signed up to the Academy and that was I thinking Jane mid June, something like that. It was not that long ago, but I was determined and I’d started listening to everything and I knew straight away from what you were saying about this, you know, place that wearing that becomes comfortable. We become addicted to that space and to move out of it is uncomfortable and it’s not easy. And I just thought of, I’d committed and that was the, and somehow I found this courage to, you know, do a video to introduce myself, which I think was just over 30 seconds. I was like, okay, I’ve done it. Yeah. And um, but I was terrified. Oh, I’ve never worked in that space. Never done a video, never been part of forums or you know, chat kind of communities.
Guy: Totally. But you hope, but you wanted your future more than your past. And I don’t know, I recall asking you to, um, I think start a thread within the forum of the membership asking and I tagged all the previous retreat attendees cause I knew you were terrified basically from obviously cause you’re right, the situation of your anxiety and um, and seeing the conversations and the support coming in there for you was just wonderful cause it’s all well and good for myself. Motto Petra to say, look, come, you’ll be fine. It’s okay. Um, but, but you know, when you hear it from other people like that, I think it’s priceless.
Fleur: Yeah. Uh, I was scared. I mean I, I was excited at first I was ready, uh, by that stage. Um, because that was a little while, you know, after, but I, then as I started thinking about it, I was like, I have no idea what disease physically am I going to be able to do it. Someone top of my mental, I had this kind of chronic fatigue, these physical things that were happening where sometimes to vacuum the house was exhausting, you know, it was just this crippling in every way I would turn and I thought, Oh, all those things suck. I’m not going to be able to do it. Who, who’s going to be there? I’m going by myself. Just again, the overwhelmed, the thought of the future, the unknown. And that’s when I thought I sat on it for ages without speaking to you.
Fleur: And then I went have to say something and then even to post it, I felt so stupid, but I did it. I thought I, this is it. You know? I think part of what was that was that helped me so much was the thought that if I put this out there and start talking about it, it leaves as power inside of me. And it was really starting to do some damage. Um, and so I could grab on that and thought, you’re not winning. I’m putting it out there. And always, every time I’ve done it, people have come and kinda held out their arms and being so supportive. You know, these people that didn’t know me and they just started to say, you know, I remember some of the messages that were just, it’s safe there. It’s, this is what it’s all, you know, bring your, bring your anxiety.
Fleur: Cause he gonna be letting that go. And I just, it really helped me. Um, but then day before the night before going, uh, sorry, the day before I was sitting in the room in T’s sane of upon, I just can’t go. He’s like, well don’t do it if he can’t do it. I was like, I cannot do this. And he went to work and I just, part of me just sweat. I booked my flight, booked the shadows, what am I doing? And I just kept packing even though my heads go, you’re not going, it’s not happily. I just kept packing my stuff. And then, yeah, you haven’t got high res. I said something and he’s like, Oh, so you going then yeah, I’ve going and but in the morning I was fine. You know, I, I get to the airport and that’s the thing is always the thought was huge. And then the doing the day came and I was like, I’m fine. I had a great trip there, you know, um, obviously when I arrived, you know, it just was this wave of like I’m good. No, I’m not.
Guy: Yeah, of course. Of course. Yeah. I know. It’s amazing. We do tend to see that, um, a lot because we are a little vague of what goes on in the retreat and we purposely do that as well. Cause a lot of the work is about coming up against ourselves and being uncomfortable with the unknown but from a safe place, you know, and, and tip toe in ourselves into that, that unknown feeling and getting used to that. Because I think in life we try to control so many aspects, but there’s a deeper part of us that just basically wants to go fuck it and let go. And just, and just literally live in flow a bit and find those moments. And don’t get me wrong, I still have to pull myself back and remind myself. I think it’s just part of being human and the human condition.
Guy: But as we, we, we understand that and we learn the tools around how we can start to regulate that and start to understand how the nervous system works, the body works and how that actually fires a signal that influences our thoughts. And we can actually influence that signal. We can really start to create some solid change. You know, I mean by the end of the, I mean, what was the most beautiful thing for me is watching, you know, 30 odd strangers come together and not wanting to leave at the end by the fourth day, you know, after three nights together. Um, yeah, it was incredible. It was incredible. So
Fleur: yeah, how do you create that connection that, that blew me away. It really did. I haven’t felt that. No. Yeah, not like that. Not like that.
Guy: Yeah. Well, quite often. And then, you know, just speaking for everyone listening to this, if we have behaviors, um, we, and I was, Sal has certain receptors on them that are continued to either atrophy, like get not used or grow like sprout and, and the, the emotions tied to it. So if we, um, are not used to, if we are not used to feeling love regular in our life or joy or happiness of these feelings, then we literally don’t have the sensory sensors to start picking up those emotions. So we keep going back to our default mode. So what we, we, we aim to do in my mind as well as in that is stuck in those sensors sprouting again. So if you can experience these deep States of emotions in a powerful way, you’re literally changing the body, um, and re reorganize in its memory. It’s so that becomes the default because those patterns become more and more familiar and then we’re able to hold on to them and take them back into our daily life and then really start to live from those spaces more. You know? Um, and it’s amazing. So, so what happened when you got back in and so you’ve, you pack and I think it’s been literally two months now, um, since the retreat. How has it been?
Fleur: Oh, it’s fame. You know, my life’s turned around. It’s incredible. I just, you know, okay. So for a start, when I got home, you know, obviously there were things to process, there were healing things that came up, but immediately what was gone, even on the flight back, no fearful thoughts. No, I’ve, I flew the whole way home and didn’t think, Oh, the fights can be crashed. Okay. I can laugh about it. But it wasn’t funny at the time. You know, it’s like so real that I’m probably not getting home. I didn’t think any of that. And now I find myself and it’s simple little things. Like I’ll drive four hours to my family. I’ll do, and I’ll, I’ll get there. And I think, Oh, like days have gone by and haven’t thought anything bad. Now, you know, that was in the early, now it’s really re if I have things like that.
Fleur: And that’s huge. Um, you know, I went to a friend’s 40th birthday, there was, you know, 60 odd people. I was fine. I was having conversations. I just, it’s like I came alive at the retreat and all of these scenes who have fallen away, there are moments where I feel obviously, you know, a little anxious about something, but I’ve learnt, uh, you know, from continuing on waste to curb that and to, to menage that. But you know, I have not had days where I’ve just been crying all day or wishing I wasn’t here or any of those things and that, I mean, after four days
Guy: it’s amazing. Right?
Fleur: Hi, how are you?
Guy: But that, but I think as well, the, the, the other key ingredient and you gotta give yourself credit for this flirt, like, is that you what you wanted it, you were ready. You were like, enough’s enough. I’m going to do something about this. Like, you know, I think if, if we come into that, that situation playing the victim and not wanting to change and continue to stay in that place, then it’s very hard for this work to, to have impact. But because the fact you are like, you know, there was such a strong warrior in you that is like, man, that could, that could push through above everything else when push come to the shove, you know, and there’s so many lessons from that. What’s it done for your own personal practice now? Because I get so many people saying hi, I love the idea. I want to start meditating, I want to learn this work, but I don’t have time. I, I still get caught up in the old things like for you personally, since coming back, how has that been? Since
Fleur: I’ve continued it and it’s now not, um, I don’t think about it in that way. For me it’s, it’s just ingrained. Initially it was part of, I’ve decided I need to do EVs. It’s, uh, it’s a choice, but it’s for my wellbeing. Like I must put that first. It’s helping me manage what’s happening or, or what I’ve been through. But now it’s turned and it’s like I miss it if I don’t do it in the morning. So then I’ll, you know, it might be through the day or in the evening or somewhere. I pick it up, I feel way out of whack and it’s a mixture of things. It’s, you know, meditation. I continued a yoga practice as well, which, you know, it just reconnected me, it, it still reminds me of the space we had at the retreat. And I just hold that. So Dealy you know, and so when I practice that, I remember that, I remember things Petra said or that, you know, you said, and I remember, and I think what you were saying about having these kind of set point or a reference point to go back to, you know, one of the experiences through one of the sound journeys at the retreat is that I found this piece inside that I don’t think in my life I’ve ever felt, not even as a child.
Fleur: And I realized it was possible. And I’m realizing through doing meditation, through yoga, through sound practices as well, that, you know, I can find that and I can find it in every day. And it’s even better. It’s even better than what I, every time I do more, it just, you know, it’s growing and it’s getting better and better. So it sorta like it’s not a chore. It’s not about can I find time? It’s like I’m not watching that crap on TV. I’m going there and I’ll general or how do you know a meditation or breath work? Or it’s just like it’s, Oh my, it’s becomes a bit addictive cause it just feel so good but not in a positive thing. And for me, I’m not willing to sacrifice myself in that way. Again. I’ve just found this care and love that I, you know, I met [inaudible] and, and it matters to take care of me and just the softness around that, that if I’m happy to miss other things because that’s so important.
Guy: Exactly. And it becomes a priority and it’s so beautiful. The airflow, and I can relate to what you said about the piece because this is the thing, when you, the body learns to have these States. Like I was saying about the receptors, my experience was many years ago, I was in a, in a, in a meditative state and I felt this connection to the, to the unified field, the quantum field or whatever you want to call it. And I had such this powerful connection and then all of a sudden I felt this unconditional love that I don’t think I’ve ever felt. Maybe it was since I was, might’ve been a child. I don’t know. It was like going home and this feeling was so overwhelming. It was absolutely mind blowing. And I felt connected to everything and everyone, and just part of it for this moment, it was like I was, I was given a nice, you know, the curtain was lifted or something that was just shown behind. And I had this, this incredible feeling.
Guy: And I remember coming out of that, just go and, Oh my God, how do I even put start to begin to put that in words? And I learned something new about myself and that was my set point. And then when I brought that back in, I you see, I can almost empathize with people more or feel they have pain more or see where they were at because you would experience this, these feelings. And it was like my little bit of wisdom I can take into my day to day life and stop being so judgmental or whatever those things were. And you know when you have these moments, it truly I believe changes the whole trajectory. Like for yourself, like you’ve been back two months, like you said, there’s still days that are tough, but you’ve got the tools, you do the work and you’ve realized you let them go.
Guy: The things that actually don’t serve you anymore. It’s like the empty calories, whether it be the TV, certain things, a little different foods or things that can hold us back. And then you, you continue to fill up on the, on the the cup every day for yourself and you give time for yourself first, which allows you to be the best version for everyone else. And you bring in that in. And that’s why I was so excited to have you come on and you shared so openly because witnessing where you are at to what is going on is it’s just beautiful to see and I’m long may continue, but you’re continuing to do the work. You continuing to lean in and you continue into one to evolve and become the better version of yourself every day, which is just amazing. What would you say to somebody listening to this right now? Um, not necessarily feel stuck in life or, you know, there could be just even wanting to step on this path and I might be curious and just go, you know what, I actually live a good life, but I want, I wanna see if there’s more or whatever it might be. And they were sitting on the fence about coming to the retreat. Um, what would you say to them if they reached out to you?
Fleur: Oh, I’ve spoken to a few people on the fence. Um, yeah, look, I, I think the thing is there was such a mix of, of people and personalities and circumstances that led people to the retreat I was on. So I was at one end and there were other people who had either been before or who were in a great place in life and that were there with a partner and they were, and I was still flourishing. And I think when I was thinking about things, you know, today, when I think around meditation and just all of these practices, it’s like, it’s so positive. There’s nothing negative about it. It’s so enriching. It’s everyone is encouraging. It’s about connecting to a place where we all belong, to open creativity to be the best that we can. So whether your stock, well, you’re thriving. I mean to me that is just like, if you’re thriving, you’re going to, you’re just going to explode, you know, and beads become even better.
Fleur: And if you’re a bit, you know, not where you want to be, you lift up and you lived probably past of lifted past where I thought was even possible. And life just gets better and better. And so I just would say, you know, anyone in any, even if the words or the thought of it triggers something, just the feeling or, Oh, I’m in trade or I would love to do that, but I’m not sure I say, do it because you don’t, you actually don’t even know what you’re going to experience or, or what’s going to happen. It’s no accident who you meet at the retreat, you know, who is there in that space with you [inaudible] that they share a story or, yeah, that I’ve connected with people, I still speak to them on the phone I’m wearing to stays. And there’s just this love and these friendship, which is amazing.
Fleur: Um, let align the other experiences, you know, there just is so many surprises, so many wonderful things that come out of it. The location, the food. If you’re a foodie, you know, every, every aspect of it. So, you know, I think too, all I can say is, um, and I even said it to my partner, you know, if there’s any little part of you that thinks you want to go do it and don’t listen to all the things that come up afterwards about why you shouldn’t feel, you just don’t even know what amazing things will unfold. And that’s not any of the retreat I seen every day. Now I see that. Yeah. Simple, beautiful things that you don’t expect. Your phone rings and someone says something you thought, wow, it was pulling away or you know, an offer of something comes forward. It’s just like, how is life so wonderful now? It’s so sad. Before. Yeah,
Guy: as Wayne Dyer once quoted, if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change, you know, and it’s so true. And the other thing I want to add as well, which is very powerful. The last thing is the intimacy of the retreat. That is definitely a, um, a very strong component is be very different to going into a crowd of a thousand people plus that it’s in different, there’s different setups anyways in many different things to, to the way we way we work. But um, the intimacy is, is something beautiful and something we want to hang onto as we grow as well, you know, so, um, yeah,
Fleur: it’s so amazing, you know, that’s the thing. And, and even within ourselves by the end of it, you know, within days we all know each other’s names. We, we didn’t want to go, we didn’t want to let, I don’t think there was a dry eye there was you like it was just this, I didn’t know. It was just incredible and nice monument. You know, the other, I’ll stick with me forever and there will be more as well.
Guy: Oh, for sure. Of course. Of course. Yeah. Well, I mean we’ve, we’ve done personally, we’ve done on health three and every single one is as affected me deeply and I’m just like, wow, I can’t wait for January and what’s ahead to continue to get this out there. Cause it’s, um, it’s a beautiful process.
Guy: Well Fleur look, thank you so much for coming on today and sharing so openly and honestly. Um, I have no doubt your words will be inspiring. Other people listening to this today and the, and you’re such a kind of lovely person and I just want to say witnessing you just grasp this work, um, is just beautiful. So, um, and it’s very inspiring me to, you know, so thank you. Really appreciate it.
Fleur: Thank you. All the energy and all the time and all the heart that you put into it. And, you know, I know people kind of throw things around about it’s life changing or things, but Guy, you know, I was in such a place that I just, I don’t know, you know, to find this, to find the Academy, to order to just feel part of something and to have something that was positive that I could listen to, even if I was walking and listening, speaking. Yes. You know, it’s, it’s, it’s saved me and that’s, I think that’s, it’s not an exaggeration and, you know, so it’s not only thank you from me, but my family, my parents, you know, they have me back and it’s pretty, um, it’s a pretty huge thing. So, you know, I hope for you in the times, it’s challenging that, you know, you know, that you’re, you’re actually touching people and not only that individual, but the circles of people around them that get that person back as well. So, yeah.
Guy: Thank you. Yeah, it’s what It’s, it’s what keeps me going when things are tough.
Guy: Thank you Fleur.
Fleur: Thanks Guy!